I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
