K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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