I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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