Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're like the curious george of whores
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize