I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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