I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
