Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
