Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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