Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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