And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
