Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
