Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
