He asked to "fluff my boner.."
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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