i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
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