it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
