How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
