You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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