Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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