The brown eye won't let me do that either.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
