Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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