If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
