butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
