For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Two words: blizzard sex
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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