Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
