Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
