I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
