I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
