I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
