So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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