is your mom at the bar?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
