hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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