My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
