So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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