Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
