I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
