Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
