I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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