Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
