Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
