y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think weed is turning my hair brown
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
