are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
