Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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