im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
