in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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