You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
