so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
