How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
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he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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