My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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