Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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