And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.