I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?