My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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