My friends, they love my intelligence
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins