i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
