dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
soo... how was my night?
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