Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm both gender and math confused
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize