he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
