I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
