we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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