either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize