ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
