what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
