Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
