What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
