Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
