They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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