Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
