Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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